i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
