Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
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We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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