dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
im holly from the hills drunk
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
