If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
