You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
