just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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