i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
