He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
