Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
