i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
