a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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