I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
she peed on how many people?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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