That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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