what day is it and did you see me today?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
