just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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