Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
