Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
