I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
