Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
