Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
