I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
