my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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