The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Terrible idea I love it
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
