batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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