the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize