guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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