We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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