Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
