the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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