Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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