Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
