I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
