i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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