Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
whose parrot is this?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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