I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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