I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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