1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
