I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
