hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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