remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
