4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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