I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
