The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Randomize
