Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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