oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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