cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
