Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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