Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
