I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
