it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
