I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
