I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
