who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
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