If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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