Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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