Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I can't put those talents on a resume
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
