so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
