she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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