can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
As shirtless as possible
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
