I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
