i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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