i was rollin on her like bob the builder
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
