And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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