Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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