It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
