If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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