this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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