Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
