Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
