I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
